Happy New Year, dear friend! 2025 has arrived, and with it comes a blank canvas for us to create something extraordinary. What is calling you this year? What lights you up? What do you want to leave behind from 2024, and what do you want to carry forward into this fresh new chapter?
As I reflect on the past year, I recognize it was a year of transformation—the best of times and the most challenging of times. 2024 asked me to trust in ways I never thought possible. In the middle of this tumultuous journey, something extraordinary happened. I experienced what I call a “miracle meltdown,” a moment of rage and frustration that transformed into profound peace. That peace came when I reached out, in desperation, to a dear friend who has passed on. Her presence enveloped me, and the clarity I had been longing for arrived. I knew it was time to leave Victoria, my beloved home of 22 years, and embark on a pilgrimage of trust.
With each box I packed, I knew that I was being guided on this new path—even if I didn’t know what lay ahead. Trusting that inner guidance, I found myself at a writer’s retreat north of the Malahat, surrounded by the tranquility of nature. Here, I’ve begun revisiting a book I started years ago but had put aside – “If You Only Knew, A Book of Healing Letters”. Now, the words are flowing again, as if the universe has cleared the way for this project to emerge.
And as if to affirm this journey, miracles keep unfolding. Marci Shimoff, author of Chicken Soup for the Woman’s Soul and Your Year of Miracles, has graciously agreed to endorse my upcoming book. Her belief in my work is an incredible gift and a reminder that trust and faith open doors we cannot foresee.
This journey has not been without its challenges. I’ve had to let go of my cherished home and step into the unknown, which, as a Cancerian, has been no small feat. Home has always been my sanctuary, a sacred space where I create, dream, and share love with others. Yet, as I’ve released my attachment to the familiar, I am learning to trust the process and embrace the unfolding mystery of life.
A Call to Reflect and Create
As we step into 2025, I invite you to join me in reflecting on your own odyssey of trust. Take out your journal and write about your 2024. What lessons did the year bring? What moments of growth and grace stand out? And most importantly, what do you want to create in this new year? Write it down. Lock it in. Then, give thanks for the wisdom and opportunities that brought you here.
Remember, the light you seek is already within you. As you write your intentions for the year ahead, let your inner light guide you. Trust that you are exactly where you need to be.
An Invitation
If you’ve ever dreamed of writing a book, I’d love to support you in bringing it to life. My Author Mentorship Bootcamp retreat is happening this January 26-30 at the Bethlehem Centre in Nanaimo, BC.
It’s a transformative experience designed to help you overcome fears, embrace your unique voice, and take steps toward publishing your work. Whether you’re writing a memoir, a legacy piece, or something entirely unique and different, this retreat offers the space, guidance, and inspiration to bring your vision to fruition.
As I sit in this sacred space, preparing for what’s next, I am filled with gratitude for the journey that brought me here and for each of you who continues to walk this path with me. Together, let’s embrace 2025 with open hearts and a willingness to trust the unknown. Who knows what miracles await us?
Please share yours with me – big or small, and I’ll promise to do the same. I am hoping my newsletters will become a reciprocal exchange. It means the world to me when you respond. It’s starting to happen more and more, and I can’t thank you enough.
Halloween has ancient roots, going back to the Celtic festival of Samhain, a time when people celebrated the end of harvest and believed the boundary between the physical world and the spirit world thinned. People wore masks to protect themselves from any wandering spirits, creating a symbolic ‘cover’ between themselves and the unknown.
Today, masks have taken on a different meaning. Many of us wear figurative masks to protect ourselves, hiding our true feelings, insecurities, or struggles. While these masks might shield us, they can also keep us from connecting fully with ourselves and those around us.
Unmasking for Mental Health
In the spirit of Halloween, why not explore what it would feel like to take off one of these masks? Start small. It could be as simple as letting someone know how you’re really feeling. The process of unmasking is a powerful act of self-compassion and a way to connect more authentically.
My Healing Story of Madness, Masks, and Miracles
Halloween and mental health have a surprising common thread: the masks we wear, whether to celebrate or to shield our innermost selves. This theme is deeply explored in my play, Madness, Masks, and Miracles. Like the masks we put on at Halloween, many of us wear emotional and psychological masks every day, hoping to protect ourselves, fearing judgment, and hiding truths even from those closest to us.
The Courage to Unmask
Madness, Masks, and Miracles was born from a need to tell these hidden stories, exploring the relentless struggle of hiding behind a “I am fine” face while experiencing profound challenges within. Featuring real people with their own journeys through mental health challenges—whether personally or through loved ones—the play unpacks themes of suffering, resilience, and, ultimately, the miracles that come from allowing ourselves to be courageous, vulnerable, and real.
This Halloween, if you’re ready to take a deeper journey, consider watching Madness, Masks, and Miracles as a way to connect with the universal experience of unmasking. Available for rent on my app or to own on DVD, the play may inspire reflection, empathy, and hope—whether you’re familiar with these struggles or supporting someone who is.
My personal journey to take off the biggest mask I was wearing for decades
I could have won several Academy Awards for the times I was able to pull that off. Until, one day, I stopped. I had to. It was non-negotiable. The amount of energy that it took to push down the truth of how I was feeling and pretend all was well when it wasn’t, in order to please others, had to stop.
It was from that impetus I wrote my play and came out in public with my bouts of bipolar illness. Make no mistake – it was not easy – it was petrifying to tell you the truth. To expose myself like that. After all, I am a therapist, and my clients had no idea I might have been in a hospital for clinical depression when they thought I was on leave for professional reasons.
The bountiful success that came from Telling my Truth
I had no idea that stepping out like that would become my saving grace. Instead of being filled with pain, shame, and embarrassment, my life turned around dramatically. I stepped into my role of being a fierce, outspoken mental health advocate. Instead of losing clients (my belief was that once they knew that I had bipolar illness, my career would suffer), my business grew in leaps and bounds. Out came more workshops, more books, and more projects to help people heal their fear and shame and stand tall in their own skin.
As well as it serves me as it is my dharma to help in this way – it has allowed countless others to feel safe enough to tell their own true stories of heartbreak, confusion, and loss when faced with a mental illness. It put them on their own healing journey where they could finally drop their masks of shame and step into their own empowerment.
Although the play was staged several years ago, its effects are still transforming lives today!
Not long ago, my friend Maggie, her auntie, and her father sat down with Maggie’s mom to watch the play. Her mom was 80 years old at the time and suffered throughout her whole life with bipolar illness, but it was never spoken about. Ever. It was a risk showing her the play as they didn’t know how she would react. The next day, Maggie’s mom said, “Maggie, it’s the first time in my life I realize it wasn’t my fault!” It still makes me tear up to remember that.
Reflection
This Halloween, in the privacy of your home, be as authentic with yourself as possible.
Ask yourself where you are stuck in hiding. Are there things you don’t say because you are afraid of hurting someone or upsetting the status quo, or for other reasons? Do you wear a “happy face” when you are feeling lost, afraid, sad, or lonely?
Ask yourself what you would need to do in order to remove the masks you wear so you can seen, heard, acknowledged, valued, and loved, just as you are?
Writing Prompt
If I could drop one mask today, what would it be? One step I am willing to courageously take today to remove my debilitating masks is…
A Writing Tip: Free-Flow Writing
When exploring deeper topics, like letting go of a mask, try writing in free-flow form. Set a timer for five minutes, write without stopping, and let whatever thoughts arise fall onto the page. Don’t worry about grammar, spelling, or making sense—just let it flow. This can help bypass any internal “masks” we might wear, allowing for a more authentic expression to emerge.
Let’s use this Halloween to honour both our shadowed and light sides, recognizing that our true strength comes from embracing our whole and beautiful authentic self!
Here I am authentically having fun as your Secret Writing Coach Love Cop!
Howz my disguise working so far? Teehe!
Happy Halloween and all blessings,
Junie
P.S. Oh, have you listened to my song, It’s a Brand New Day yet? I was motivated to write it for the same reasons I shared above: to reduce the stigma associated with mental health challenges. I co-wrote it with my now friend (former husband), David Halliwell. I wrote the lyrics and handed them over to David to produce the music. We then handed it over to the studio musicians and singers and then to Lisa Hope, who did a remarkable job at the Video Production. It’s all here for your enjoyment -fun and danceable, too!
This is a talk I gave at the Church of Truth in Victoria, BC on November 17, 2019
To Introduce the Topic of the Dynamics of Change; I’d like to recite this Ojibway Prayer
Grandfather,
Look at our brokenness.
We know that in all creation
Only the human family
Has strayed from the Sacred Way.
We know that we are the ones
Who are divided
And we are the ones
Who must come back together
To walk in the Sacred way.
Grandfather,
Sacred One,
Teach us love, compassion, and honour
That we may heal the earth
And heal each other.
Today’s topic is poetic reflections on the dynamics of change
We’re looking at poems about memories and how writing is instrumental in integrating the dynamics of change.
So, what about memories? William Standford wrote this. It’s called:
You Reading This, Be Ready
Starting here, what do you want to remember?
How sunlight creeps along the shining floor?
What scent of old wood hovers, what softened
sound from outside fills the air?
Will you ever bring a better gift for the world
than the breathing respect that you carry
wherever you go right now? Are you waiting
for time to show you some better thoughts?
When you turn around, starting here, lift this
new glimpse that you found; carry into evening
all that you want from this day. This interval you spent
reading or hearing this, keep it for life —
what can anyone give you greater than now,
starting here, right in this room, when you turn around?
Your Life Circumstances as Poetry
We can all read the poetry of Rumi or Hafiz, David Whyte and Mary Oliver, or in this case, William Stanford, and have our hearts lifted to the heavens by the simple weaving of their words.
But what if the harshest circumstances of your life were also considered poetry? Poetry in motion. Events, when funnelled through the Heart of Awareness become the alchemy of Grace leading you to transformation, leaving you triumphant — a Phoenix rising ever upwards from its own ashes, the dynamics of change. Poetry in motion.
Perhaps by now you have come to expect the trickster lurking around every corner. God’s secret design to mould us humans into a poetic mosaic featuring all possibilities. Divinity showing off its finest attire. Forcing us to traverse and transcend as we forge through parched deserts and darkened forests, swamps and jungles of heartbreak and grief, loss and fear until we awaken upon sparkling waters and coral colour beaches leading to abundant meadows of dancing wildflowers kissed by sunbeams drizzling through raindrops that transform into rainbows. God’s glorious archway of effervescent colours offering us The Sacred Promise. A Promise Of Hope. A Promise of Coming Home while walking right here upon our Earth.
Yes, Perfect Poetry in Motion.
I had never thought of us that way until I was invited to do this talk, but as I considered it, it makes perfect sense. After all, as God’s Children — and even more — inhabiting the spark of God within us — we are that! The absolute poetry of God. At our core, we are creative, expansive, exquisite beings of Light and when we tap into that aspect of us, the purest poetry is born, birthed in a million forms, just as we are billions of people and among billions of species on this planet, each a different expression of God’s creation, one part of the vast tapestry of the One Mind. The One Heart.
And those of us of the human kind, when we fall away from our connection to our Divinity, well, the Trickster moves in to get our attention. True? So that we can grow from and out of the inevitable painful set of circumstances that are delivered to us, reflecting on the dynamics of change, only to lead us back home to the Garden once again, to The One Heart of Creation — The One Heart of God.
As Rumi so stunningly penned, “Come even if you have broken your vow a thousand times, come, yet again, come, come. Come, come again, whoever you are, come.”
Yes, the invitation is to move beyond the sorrow and back to pillars of joy! Our true natural state. Come, come back again. Even if you have broken your vows a thousand times.
Rumi also wrote:
“Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.”
Re-Write Your Life, Chapter 2, p. 9: “One day my mother sat me down . . . ”
I would like you now to listen to a poem that no one can recite better than the author himself — David Whyte. This is Sweet Darkness!
Now, I’d like to read you a poem I wrote which emerged from darkness, giving me a horizon further than I knew I could see. It was in the darkness that became the sweet confinement of my aloneness where I truly learned that anything or anyone that does not bring me alive was too dark for me. Through the dynamics of change, this poems emerged on the page:
Breathing Possibilities
You can talk about yesterday or talk about tomorrow
You can talk about the falling dollar, talk about your sorrow
You can talk about chemicals and how they’re poisoning the earth
You can talk about how bad it is and how it’s getting worse.
Or you can take this moment and softly close your eyes
Breathe a breath from deep within and do not compromise
Take another and then another and in the stillness feel
The wonder of this moment — can this too be real?
Stay within the silence and notice what you hear
Listen with your heart and watch your fears all disappear
For in this very moment a miracle is due
If you listen with your heart there will be a message just for you.
A child is being born right now; can you hear the sound of life?
In a little church just down the way, vows are being made as man and wife.
Somewhere on a hilltop a traveler has found her way.
And the dew upon the morning grass has welcomed a brand new day.
Stay within this moment for the miracle is here
There’s nothing that you need to do, nothing but be sincere
Life is bursting forth in every breath; And in the stillness find
A place to love, a place to join with every heart and mind.
Rejoice, for in this moment you can send blessings near and far
Rejoice, for in this moment you are a living star
And every time you feel afraid and wonder what to do
Come back to this one moment and know the miracle is you.
Transforming Grief to Joy, Scarcity to Abundance, and Fear to Love
The beauty of being human is that we are the only ones on the planet that can actually change our states of being through our intentions and our actions. Using the dynamics of change; we can transform grief to joy, scarcity to abundance, and fear to love. Other life forms can only respond to the circumstances in which they find themselves. Knowing that we have been given this gift by The Universe, this absolute privilege — our gift back is to change our state, to move from sadness to joy, and to intend to live a fully, loving, joy-filled, loved-filled magnificent life!
And now for another of the world’s greatest poets and musical geniuses, listen to this song by Leonard Cohen: Anthem.
My way through has always been writing. It brings me out of despair into a place of hope, into the place of all possibilities. It’s bizarre. I know that writing does that for me — yet even today, there are times that it’s not the first thing I go to in order to move through a challenge. Sometimes, it’s the fridge to toast another bagel. Or two!
I know I’m not alone. We all have our drug of choice. Me, I can’t help it. I’m Jewish. So it’s not my fault. When I was born, my mother, being a good Jewish mother, threw a dozen bagels into the blender and fed it to me as pablum. When I was teething she’d shove a whole bagel into my mouth — usually pumpernickel — until they came out with lox and cream cheese, my fave.
So, now you know why bagels are the number one comfort food for Jews across the planet! But me, I like to find ways to improve my bad habits, through the dynamics of change, so I went to a 12 step program for bagel addiction and — I thought I was at synagogue! There wasn’t one Christian or even a Muslim in the room! I have a strong suspicion that the person who set up this particular meeting place, also a bagel addict like me really doesn’t want to quit. And she doesn’t want us to either. All our meetings take place in the room above Mount Royal Bagels with the waft of sesame, pumpernickel, lox and cream cheese and everything bagels — moving through the floorboards and into each of our olfactory senses — throughout the entire meeting. So, you can hardly hold it against us when we relapse after every meeting. What can we do? Nu?
Putting Humour and Poetry Together with Music
Anyway, writing . . . poetry . . . poetry in motion. Song lyrics are definitely poetry in motion. And humour and poetry put together into song can be a spectacular way of movin’ and groovin’ out of the blues! We all know the truth of this. Put on a favourite dance tune and within seconds your body can’t sit still. Right?
So, going back to my earlier years, after many trips in and out of mental institutions, I met lots of people as screwed up as me — and didn’t feel quite as alone. We all had fears and phobias of one sort or another so I simply wrote a poem about it which is now going to be part of a musical I’m writing. My friend David just wrote the tune for it. It’s appropriately named, “The Phobia Song.” I’d like to leave you with this song.
Here is THE PHOBIA SONG, inspired by people everywhere — and all our conditions!
THE PHOBIA SONG Lyrics by Junie Swadron Music by David Halliwell
Fear of Dying and Afraid of Life
Fear of Flying and Afraid of Strife
Fear of Losing and Afraid to Win
Christ Almighty — Where do we Begin?
Are we crazy? — No We’re Not
We’re Simply Concerned By What We’ve Got
Fear of Anger — Afraid of Fat
Wars, Chores, and Doors — Imagine That
Claustrophobia, Agora Phobia
Phobias we can’t spell
Pathophobia — Xenophobia
We know em So Well
Hydrophobia — Zoo-o-Phobia
What’s Your Favourite? — Do Tell
Every Day is Crazy
And Life’s a Living Hell
Are We Crazy? — Well Maybe Yes
You Decide — It’s anyone’s Guess
Are We Crazy? — Well Maybe Not
Isn’t it Something Everyone’s Got?
Chorus
Fear of Cats — Afraid of Snakes
Fear of Laughter — For Goodness Sakes
Fear of Getting Old
Or Getting Too Tall
Fear of Waking — or Sleeping In
Fear of Pleasure — Afraid of Sin
Fear of Being Seen
In Your Own Skin
Outro
We’re Not Crazy — We’re Not Crazy
We’re Happy to Tell All Our Friends
We’re Not Crazy — We’re Not Crazy . . . exit stage left!
My prayer for you: May you be perfect poetry in motion and co-create a magnificent, safe, loving, peaceful beautiful life of Joy, Peace, Grace, and Harmony!
All blessings, Junie
Writing Prompt: Your Turn
Is there a story in your life that you could transform? Can you re-write it so that you can benefit from its lessons and feel free to move on? Try your hand at transforming grief to joy, scarcity to abundance, or fear to love. Write your story!
If you like, share your writing in Junie’s Writing Sanctuary (if you’re not a member yet, just ask to join and I’ll get you in as soon as I can).
As creative people, we often feel an urge to create and then immediately resist it, whether we know it or not, with thoughts and behaviours that can be summed up as “resistance.” We must overcome resistance to reach our full creative potentials.Steven Pressfield wrote a whole book about resistance!
So, you might notice a trend in the FAQ below. Just know that LOVE wins out over resistance every time if you give it a chance, and that’s what I’m here to provide, along with concrete instructions on how to get your book/project done!
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
1. I don’t have a book in mind, but I do have a niggling urge to do some writing about my life. Is this course for me?
That’s a wonderful place to start! We all have stories inside us, we must overcome resistance and acknowledge that they matter. This course provides the structure, instruction, and encouragement to get your hands moving, and you will discover details on the page (or computer) as you write. Writing on the page is where you explore the work. Don’t be surprised if you discover stories you hadn’t thought of for years!
2. I’ve been wanting to write my memoir for ages, but I keep putting it off. I think I’m scared. Can you help?
You need to tap into the stories inside you, but there’s an invisible force field called fear. You are not alone! As writers, we need to feel safe in order to create. As soon as you freeze up, that aperture through which your creativity flows closes up. With my unique and proven writing process, we will gently, step by step, get you through you to overcome resistance and into a state of flow. If you have something valuable to say, you need to say it — or it will cause all kinds of trouble — from an expensive chocolate habit to much worse! I will help you master resistance.
If you’re afraid you’re not good enough, or your writing isn’t good enough, yes, I hear you. As I said last week, you’re a human, living on this planet, and that’s good enough. Even if you don’t recognize it, you’ve got worthwhile stories to tell, and YOUR LIFE MATTERS!
3. I would be mortified if my husband/parents/children/colleagues read this story. What can I do about that to overcome resistance of relational fear?
The first draft is for your eyes only. You are writing for yourself. There will be plenty of time after that for you to decide what to share. Your confidentiality will be respected in the course, and in the end, you may decide that your writing is only for you. Or you may decide to share it with a few people or even publish it.
4. Will this course be offered again?
Yes, I plan to run it again, but I’m not sure when. Also, because this is the first time that this program is being offered in its new online format, this is the lowest the price will ever be. If you are interested in this course, I suggest applying now!
5. What if I miss a class?
The best part about having the course online is that the video components are being recorded, and will be available to be watched at your leisure. This means that there is no time barrier to prevent your participation in the course.
6. Money is tight. Do you have a payment plan?
Yes! There is a payment plan. We can talk about it on our call. By the way, money is never really the issue, nor is time. If it’s a dream that keeps coming back, it is your destiny. If it’s something that someone else told you should do, then it’s probably not.
The process of answering the questions in the application form, followed by a half-hour conversation with me, will help to reveal your own answers to your questions.
In the course, you’ll get all 10 weeks of the program with specific instructions on how to write your stories/book, weekly 2-hour Zoom coaching calls with hot seat work and break-out rooms for witnessing of your writing, two private 60-minute 1-on-1 calls with me, membership in our private discussion group where you’ll be able to give and receive support with your cohort 24/7.
You’ll also receive:
A publishing package offer, free publicity, and an opportunity to attend the Author Mentorship Bootcamp Retreat!
Ready to overcome resistance? Your first step is to click one of the application buttons on this page.
We’ll get on a call where I can answer any other questions you might have.
What’s your story?
Are you ready to write it?
Apply now and tell me all about it!
All blessings, Junie
“You offer a wonderful balance of kindness and sensitivity. Thank you for helping me silence my critic and to simply write. I am stronger because of you. You had the courage to show your fears and your struggles. You proved to us that we need not fear our challenges but embrace them. I honour the spirit within you that gently urges us on to places we do not go to alone—making us feel safe and special and loved.” — Debbi Jones
“This course has given me the opportunity to revisit experiences of joy and pain and to eventually and gradually realize the deep sacred gift of each person and of each experience in my life. And also to take responsibility for all of the reflections of myself these people and experiences have been. Thank you for providing such a healing, safe space to reveal what has been so difficult to express even in private before.” — Rosemary Anderson
I met Pam Sylvan approximately two years ago. She had just recently arrived in Victoria and happened to walk into a Sunday morning service where I was the speaker. Afterward she told me how much she appreciated my talk and asked me if I would like to write an article for her new online magazine, Downtown and Around.
That article soon became two, then three, then four, and finally a “Dear Junie” column.
What impressed me was how savvy Pam was. Having JUST stepped into this city, knowing no-one, she was taking Victoria by storm! She was quickly learning who’s who in a host of industries from art and music to the best restaurants to eat, the most popular events taking place and putting them in a magazine she was creating as she went. Pretty impressive for being the new kid on the block. Chutzpah or mojo? Pam is all about mojo and is the self-proclaimed Mojo Maker, teaching others how to get their own mojo working!
Pam Sylvan is someone who is the epitome of what the Re-Write Your Life series is all about. She’s a woman who had a very rocky start to life. She underwent some harrowing experiences and she was living her life according to what she learned from them. It was when she almost lost her life and doctors were scurrying around to save it, that she made a conscious choice to turn things around and made her life about learning how to do that. Now she does what she knows how to do best—help turn life around for others who don’t have the know how, confidence, or courage to know where to begin.
Here’s Pamela in her own words:
Today, I’m known as the Mojo Maker. It’s my way of signalling to the world that I’ve taken on the task to help those who are ready to spiral their inherent power and use that defined energy to tell their stories. As well I offer them the necessary tools that will attract people to their businesses and messages and to build the courage necessary to be happy, healthy, wealthy and wise. Basically, I’m a publicist that knows how to move a person past their blind spots, turn them on to their uniqueness, and point them to where their audience awaits.
I wasn’t always this person. Actually I started out as the most afraid and self-limiting person you would ever care to meet. The belief that drove me went something like this, ‘ . . . everyone else is better and more deserving than I am’. That simple sentence shaped my life experience.
Where did I get that belief, you may wonder? I come from an upbringing of fear and violence. Needless to say, I prepared each day to meet the noise that arose from my parents’ battles. That noise created a belief that life was unhappy and unsafe which fostered an unhealthy dose of shame since I appeared to be the only one among my friends living in such a bubble.
This was the first half of my life. Survival, shame, oppression, and self loathing. Quite the load for one so young, but not uncommon from what I later learned. As I grew into adulthood, those early messages came right along with me. Because there was no counselling opportunity for me to appropriately deal with the interjects of my early training, life was hard and happiness very fleeting.
The majority of my major life decisions were tainted with the belief that I was unredeemable and because these choices were made in my unaware state, they greatly and negatively affected the quality of my life going forward.
Despite all of this, I count myself as one of the lucky ones.
My mother is one of my greatest fans
. . . Not because it’s her duty as my mother, but from her witnessing me fall down time and time again, refusing to be beat and to somehow keep going. She remains a close ally even though at one point during my teenage years, I gave her an ultimatum to leave my father or I would disappear never to be seen again. At that point I had had enough of the violence and even though young, I summoned up the courage to take a stand. Of course this courage unknowingly was beyond my awareness, and I continued to see myself as powerless and unredeemable.
One of my major unconscious choices was my choice of spouse. We did not suit as a couple. Our temperaments differed greatly and my unhappy state continued. My one joy was the creation of my daughter.
At this point in my journey I was still unaware that I was attracting my life experiences based on my beliefs, expectations, and attitudes.
Again, I had to summon up courage to change course in life. I began to dive deeper into meditation and reading. That’s when I found direction that came from within. There was no need for opinions from those outside myself; I had the answers I needed. I listened and made the necessary moves. But first, I was laid on my behind in order to hear the wisdom coming from within.
A Wake-up Call
It seems dreamlike as I share this now. It took a bout of extreme illness for me to listen to my inner voice. Basically I was laid out so I could hear myself. I landed in the hospital nearing a stroke. As the attending medical staff rushed around me, I quieted down internally and had a conversation with myself. I realized that the reason for my illness was my inability to take the necessary actions to change my life. In that moment I made a promise to life and to myself that I would do whatever I had to do to ensure I lived and lived fully.
Today, after leaving my hometown, home, family and friends, I have restarted my life setting a new course with the decision to do so coming from a place of power instead of guilt, shame, and hopelessness.
It hasn’t been easy. At the age of 50, starting over is a bit tricky. Coming to a new town with only two suitcases, no friends, connections, or prospects was daunting, and I am still working out the finer points of new beginnings. Most of all I’m learning about myself and the inherent power I call ‘Mojo’. It’s all about knowing one’s strong sense of self to meet all challenges that show up.
We all have this ability, the difference being whether we are aware of it or not. When we wake up to ourselves there is newness to life and what seemed difficult and stressful is not there anymore. Life is not challenge free, only the knowledge that whatever shows up will be handled in divine timing.
I now lead a growing company that includes a magazine, a radio show, a boutique PR agency, and mentoring practice, all designed to help others find their own sense of power and success in what they do.
My journey has taught me a few things: it takes courage to be happy; happiness is found in the ‘now’ moment; we all have the necessary power to live the life of our dreams, and practicing extreme self love regardless of the thoughts of others is the most important thing an individual can do for themselves.
All of us are called to wake up from sleep, from living a life where the same old things keep happening. The players may change, but the events, well, they just keep on miserably repeating themselves. Sometimes we become aware through a gentle epiphany, such as in a meditation when we are still enough to hear our inner guidance. Other times the dramas are a lot louder than our heartbeat, so Life offers us a wake-up call in the form of a two-by-four.
Can you think of a time when you were either gently awakened from inner guidance that whispered, “take this road instead of that one” and you listened and found yourself moving with the tides? Or can you recall a time when you woke up from a bad dream only to realize you weren’t dreaming? You, in fact, were hit by a two-by-four and had no choice but to change your thinking and your ways. Which one of those two scenarios speaks to you at this moment? Pick up your pen and write about it, and then consider what you learned from that experience. Reflection is good (and even necessary) for the soul.
As always, please leave your comments below or join us at Junie’s Writing Sanctuary to contribute to the conversation.
This week I had an experience that demonstrates the truth of my statement, The sweet whisperings of your soul meet you on the page and something shifts. You begin to stand taller and one day you notice that your voice on the page has become your voice in the world.
A realization
On Tuesday, I woke before dawn consumed with angst. It had to do with something I had been hiding for years, which was connected to feelings of unworthiness. I didn’t know I felt that way—at least on such a big scale—until I was diagnosed with a severe vision problem about a month ago (which is treatable, thank goodness, but the cost of the treatment is thousands of dollars). The condition is described as: Convergence Insufficiency, Binocular Dysfunction, and Visual Processing Deficits.
I had been hiding my inability to read properly since my childhood; the realization that I actually have a vision problem began just last month when I was directed to a TED Talk presentation by Dr. Cam McCrodan, an optometrist here in Victoria, BC, who specializes in treatment of visual dysfunction. As I watched him, I wept because almost everything he said described me to a T!
Sharing a secret
I shared my “secret” about my reading problems and the news of my diagnosis and proposed costly treatment with my dear friend Frances, and she said, “Oh, Junie, this is a perfect opportunity to do crowd funding.” We were at a restaurant having dinner. Suddenly, I started feeling queasy. She went on to say that asking friends and acquaintances to contribute to a crowd funding campaign was the perfect solution to the cost of treatment, and a worthy cause. The queasiness bought prime real estate inside me and settled into every cell of my being—especially after another dear friend Teya had the crowd-funding site up a few days later! When she told me she had done it, I freaked out! “What? I never said to put it up!”
How was she to know that I had been sitting with the shame, fear, and guilt that had continued to natter at me since my dinner with Frances? After waking up in that same dark place Tuesday morning, I grabbed my journal and, as usual, it didn’t fail me.
Confiding in my journal
After pages of seemingly going nowhere, eventually I found myself directly inside a little girl’s psyche with all of her guilt, pain, and shame. I kept my pen moving and then found myself inside the source of the pain, exactly when and where I was when I adopted the belief that I wasn’t deserving. I wrote and I wept and eventually came into a clearing: a meadow of beautiful spring flowers, a gentle breeze caressing my wounds, and songbirds singing love songs above me. And in this sacred setting, I forgave my parents and all of those who contributed to that little girl’s pain where she thought she wasn’t good enough. I offered them my love and it came back to me one-hundred-fold.
By the time I put my pen down, I was singing—literally! I was one of those songbirds singing out my love. And I knew that I could go ahead with the crowd funding. If people judged me, I would still be okay. It would be an invitation to peel away another layer of ego that holds me hostage whenever I take seriously what I perceive others are thinking about me.
Three miracles
And that was just the beginning of my day! Before I walked out of my house to go to my team meeting at the Schizophrenia Society at noon, three more miracles occured!
One, I picked up one of Wayne Dyer’s books and opened it randomly to a page titled, Money and Self-Esteem! Seriously?! How DOES that work? Anyway, it spoke and affirmed of all the things I had just been writing about.
After that I sat in silence for about 20 minutes feeling love pour into me and out of me, and then the phone rang. It was the supervisor of a company where I had stopped services about a year ago, but they had still been charging me a monthly fee. It was my error, as I hadn’t cancelled my plan in the way they had specified because I didn’t read the directions properly. Without a moment’s hesitation, she told me she was going to refund me the money. Two days earlier an employee of the company had told me that a refund wasn’t possible because I hadn’t followed the company’s policy! I literally cried in gratitude with this offer of a refund.
Next came the third miracle: feeling that I AM deserving and that it’s okay to be me just the way I am, I went to my phone and made a video of myself honouring my sisters around the world for International Women’s Day. The day before I would have been mortified to put a video of myself on Facebook without make-up and looking less than svelte dahling!
The equation
What started the ball rolling on this sense of joy and freedom and these miracles was this simple equation: Despair + Journaling = Alchemy & Transformation
How does that work? Because you get to tell your truth. All of it! No one else but you and the page. No one there to correct your writing or have an opinion about it. Just you, a pen, and some paper.
Well, there is one other secret ingredient that sneaks in there when we allow it, when we aren’t judging what we write. God. The Universe. Universal Intelligence. Love . . . name it what you will. But I guarantee you that It is always with you in ways you could never imagine!
Writing Exercise
Today, commit to writing in your journal about something that has been niggling at you, something that has been keeping you in guilt, shame, unworthiness, self-doubt, even self-loathing. Write deeply into your truth. Don’t hold back. Let your heart spill onto the pages until you find that you are no longer a person writing, but an energy moving through space and time, and when you awaken from this writing reverie, you will be someone other that who you were when you first began.
Writing Prompt
“What I never wanted to say was… ”
As always, please leave a comment below or join us at Junie’s Writing Sanctuary to join the conversation.
All blessings, Junie
P.S. More miracles … I just went downstairs to the laundry room and what was on the table? A card saying, “You Make a Difference”! Thank you for the difference you make in my life. Love this day, and go out and make a difference. Love yourself and let that love shine into everyone and everything you think, see, and do!
This is a talk I gave at the Church of Truth in Victoria, BC on November 17, 2019
Meet Pamela Sylvan
At this point in my journey I was still unaware that I was attracting my life experiences based on my beliefs, expectations, and attitudes.
