I SAID NO IN ORDER TO SAY YES TO ME.

WHEN SAYING NO BRINGS RELIEF

THEN YOU KNOW YOU HAVE MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE

The beauty of silence is that it allows us to listen, hear and reflect on what is really true.

After my morning walk, I had a session with a wise woman who also happens to be my coach, Leslie Bixler.  Leslie has a way of cutting through the extraneous in order to access the window to my soul.

Forefront on my mind today and for many days is the fatigue I am feeling. Once again, I am pouncing into a state of overwhelm that can develop, when I am not careful, into anxiety leading to depression.

After a bit of back and forth, Leslie touched on the question I have been pondering about my latest commitment – A workshop about to take place in 9 days that I am not prepared for. Oh, I could get prepared. In fact, it would probably turn out being fabulous. But at what cost?

“Junie, what if you didn’t do it”, she asked?  Instead of shrieking, “But I promised!,” I could feel an overriding sense of peace wash over me. I knew my answer.  Now I had to deal with the guilt that accompanied it. How would I tell everyone who has registered or was considering it that I’m not doing it now?  Leslie simply said, with the truth. And I didn’t have to explain.

This is when I found myself in front of my computer typing the words you are reading.

Unwittingly, it is turning out to be an explanation and I am okay with it because I am sharing my truth. And the plain simple truth is, I’m weary. And as much as I do not like to disappoint others, I am taking care of myself.  And writing this to you is also taking care of me. Why? Because I have come to know that it isn’t just freeing for me, it is liberating for the many who also feel like I do. And these days, let’s face it, many of us are running on empty.  So perhaps this blog can be a healing salve for you too.

It’s about remembering we are always at choice. It’s taking a pause to question what part of us is making our decisions.  Is it our wise self or the self that just doesn’t even hear anymore. What wise self? Possibly its messages are being drowned out in the never ending have to’s.

As anyone who knows me well would agree, more often than not, I live in overdrive. I push past my comfort zones, taking on more than I ‘should’ and as a result leave little time for nurturing  the parts of me that crave to be nurtured.

So, today, as much as it is not in my nature to say no to something I have already said yes to, especially an event that I am putting on, I am consciously choosing to say ‘no’.  I am choosing to respect my energy levels and postpone it – or simply come back to it down the road and check in and see if it’s the right fit. I don’t need to know right now. All I know in this moment is that my workshop,  Do not Retire.  Rewire and Refire  that was going to take place at the Church of Truth on December 13th will not be happening.

For now it is one moment at a time as I tentatively breathe into the places that yearn to be healed. I know I need to slow down. I have known this forever, it seems. Will I learn it this time or will it be like other times that my ‘sense of duty’  takes over. In truth, I don’t believe it is that.

In truth, it is that I sincerely  love what I do so it is easy to become passionate about it. I love connecting deeply with others; I love sharing from our hearts.  It keeps me renewed. And ‘revved.’ And that’s the challenge of an artistic soul in a bi-polar body.(that’s a different story).  Luckily, for many years now I have been able to ‘catch myself’ when I’m taking on too much. I think the problem has been that I don’t learn, after I have taken time to recoup, to not do it all over again.

A long time ago at another juncture when I was needing to slow down, I placed a picture of a snail on my bathroom mirror to remind me that slow and steady will get me there.  Ask me if I have even noticed if it is still there? Give me a moment please; I need to go see.  Yes, indeed, it’s still there. I just stopped seeing it.

Today was obviously the day to take stock again. To notice the smile on this particular snail’s face. Today, after a walk along the ocean shores under gray skies and billowing clouds and a silence that held me in my melancholy, I could feel somehow that something was shifting. I didn’t know what. I just sensed that all was well.

I have felt into the truth that is freeing me.  I am saying yes to me even though it may mean disappointing others. What Leslie asked me is no different what I may have asked my own clients. “What if you said  no?”

Now I get to  be the teacher that takes the time to learn what I am teaching. And to  practice what I am learning. To walk my talk.  Doctor, heal thyself!

One way I will be filling my well is  by putting pen to paper which is truly soul food for me. I will resume writing the books that are have been patiently waiting to be birthed.

It will also be putting the content of what I have been teaching for two decades into online programs. This is not work. It will be a delight because it involves creativity and writing and a welcoming learning curve.

This means I may be unplugging for awhile as I welcome in the “what’s next” that comes from  inspiration and not ‘must do’s’.

THIS may be the most important lesson that I would have been offering  on Dec. 13th anyway

Don’t Retire – to me means … don’t resign. Don’t think that coming to retirement age means the best years are over. They are not. Every day is a gift and as long as there is life in us, is up to us to find the gifts of which there are many.

Re-wire to me means  – rewiring  our mindset to honour the truth of who we truly are. Being willing to be still and silent in order to hear our inner wisdom speak to us. For us to take heed if its messages and move into the flow of life.

Refire  This is about fanning the flames of authenticity to live our lives in the way that  truly serves us best. That will give us the most heart, the most meaning and the most fulfillment.

Right now, my refiring is honouring that truth that says, “It’s okay to STOP, Junie. It’s okay to BE STILL and simply BE. ALL is well in your world.”

I wish you every blessing for the holidays.

Remember to stop, breathe and be still.  

And don’t ever forget to Dance!