My personal journey to take off the biggest mask I was wearing for decades
I could have won several Academy Awards for the times I was able to pull that off. Until, one day, I stopped. I had to. It was non-negotiable. The amount of energy that it took to push down the truth of how I was feeling and pretend all was well when it wasn’t, in order to please others, had to stop.
It was from that impetus I wrote my play and came out in public with my bouts of bipolar illness. Make no mistake – it was not easy – it was petrifying to tell you the truth. To expose myself like that. After all, I am a therapist, and my clients had no idea I might have been in a hospital for clinical depression when they thought I was on leave for professional reasons.
The bountiful success that came from Telling my Truth
I had no idea that stepping out like that would become my saving grace. Instead of being filled with pain, shame, and embarrassment, my life turned around dramatically. I stepped into my role of being a fierce, outspoken mental health advocate. Instead of losing clients (my belief was that once they knew that I had bipolar illness, my career would suffer), my business grew in leaps and bounds. Out came more workshops, more books, and more projects to help people heal their fear and shame and stand tall in their own skin.
As well as it serves me as it is my dharma to help in this way – it has allowed countless others to feel safe enough to tell their own true stories of heartbreak, confusion, and loss when faced with a mental illness. It put them on their own healing journey where they could finally drop their masks of shame and step into their own empowerment.
Although the play was staged several years ago, its effects are still transforming lives today!
Not long ago, my friend Maggie, her auntie, and her father sat down with Maggie’s mom to watch the play. Her mom was 80 years old at the time and suffered throughout her whole life with bipolar illness, but it was never spoken about. Ever. It was a risk showing her the play as they didn’t know how she would react. The next day, Maggie’s mom said, “Maggie, it’s the first time in my life I realize it wasn’t my fault!” It still makes me tear up to remember that.
Reflection
This Halloween, in the privacy of your home, be as authentic with yourself as possible.
Ask yourself where you are stuck in hiding. Are there things you don’t say because you are afraid of hurting someone or upsetting the status quo, or for other reasons? Do you wear a “happy face” when you are feeling lost, afraid, sad, or lonely?
Ask yourself what you would need to do in order to remove the masks you wear so you can seen, heard, acknowledged, valued, and loved, just as you are?
Writing Prompt
If I could drop one mask today, what would it be? One step I am willing to courageously take today to remove my debilitating masks is…
A Writing Tip: Free-Flow Writing
